a letter to my uncle

Last week I said goodbye to my uncle. He was in hospice. He's fought for three hard years battling a cancer that just wouldn't quit, despite all of our best efforts. He's fought with brilliance, he's fought with dignity, and he's fought with humility. Sadly, as is with many battles with cancer, it's nearly at it's end. 

Having recently lost my grandpa, I've gotten a brief insight on what it's like to truly lose a loved one. But this one hurts more. Cancer has a way of robbing you of innocence and casting a permanent sense of paranoia in your life if you let it. It's sneaky and conniving and smart. It's more adjectives than I have in my brain to describe it - many of them the not nice kind of words. 

But then, cancer also has a beauty in it. When it puts its grips on someone you love, it makes you see all the great things in your life. It makes you stop and think about how things could be worse and thankful for your health and all the great things you've done with that person. 

As my mom drove away the other day, my carefully controlled composure finally slipped and the torrent of tears that had quietly slipped down my cheeks all day finally gave way. And I thought of all the things that I wanted to say to Uncle B that we would laugh about still today. So, even though I didn't get a chance to say it then, I want to put it out there now so that everyone knows just how amazing my Uncle Bryan is and how I'll remember him in future.

So here goes - 

Hey Uncle Bryan - remember when you stayed at my house right after you moved to Ohio? Mom had to go to San Francisco for work and she asked me if I'd like to stay at home and have you come watch me. I jumped at the opportunity. Growing up, you had always lived away, so I was excited to spend time with you. 

I'll never forget the day I came home from school that week and you had rearranged all our living room furniture. I walked in and saw the chairs, TV, everything different and you, in your casual demeanor say "Well, I hope you like it. I just think it makes more sense like this." I thought, "Wow, he's pretty confident in himself to change the way our house looks!" In some ways it still resembles how you arranged it that day in March. 

I remember it was March because that night you and I stayed up and watched the television while US troops entered Iraq. You and I watching the night vision screens seems surreal to me now - a true memory that I can see myself telling my children one day. 

Then came the day you picked me up from my karate lesson and asked me, "Why does your mom have so many open boxes of pasta???" I could only shrug before you responded "Well, it was bugging me so I just put them all together for our dinner." 

"Who is this person?" was all I could think. "No wonder my mom loves him so much - they're exactly alike!" 

Or there's the time you power washed our house and porch just for fun. Or when you stopped by that random summer afternoon to put the front door on, "Because I heard your mom talking about it. So, where's the door?" 

I'll miss the way you'd exhale sometimes when you were thinking - I can't explain the sound you'd make but I always knew that's when you were chewing something over in your brain. 

I will never not fail to tell the story about how you cut a hole in the bottom of grandma and grandpa's trash can that day when we couldn't get the bag out. "Well pull harder on it," you said as you watched me try and heave the bag out. "I'm trying. But. It's. Just. Not. Budging." I replied. "Here let me try," so I let you, thinking you'd see just how hard it was. After several minutes of pushing and pulling on it, just as I was going to get another bag, thinking we'd dump the whole thing into it, you tied up the bag and said, "I got it. Watch out." Proceeded to flip the whole thing over, flung out your pocket knife and cut a square hole in the bottom. My eyes got huge and my jaw dropped, and you just flipped it back over and the bag came right out. It was to this day, the manliest display of "I've got it," I've ever seen. 

You valiantly stepped into my photo booth many times. Instead of objections you gave me liners like "I look like a gay pirate," and mom's "So? What else is new?" to laugh about when I pull the props out. 

There's also that time I called you after I talked to Roger Federer for the first time. I was so excited and I couldn't get anyone else on the phone, so when you picked up I was elated to finally tell my story to someone! Your perfect demeanor captured it so well when you replied, "I bet you just peed yourself, didn't you?" Even the AP photographer next to me got a chuckle out of that one.

And then - most of all - there's the stories YOU'D tell. Like the Alex the Dog being run over one. Or Meme and the dog one - why do so many of your stories contain dogs? Everyone should take a lesson in story telling from you. 

I'll carry your gentle "Hey Kid, how ya doing?" "See ya later, Kid" with a scratchy beard kiss on the forehead, with me forever. 

Cancer didn't win this battle. I want you to know that. I know you do, but I still want to say it. Cancer lost this fight. You were so strong and never cracked under it's pressure. I'm sure it pissed cancer off more than anything the way you almost paid it no attention in life. You still golfed, rode horses, worked, almost to the point that some times I forgot you even had cancer. You tried to give cancer an offer it couldn't refuse - and who could blame it - you are a charming man. 

I promise that if I ever have children, they will love The Godfather, never put steak sauce on a steak and put plenty of ice cubes in people's cups at dinner. If Bret Bielema is still a coach somewhere, my children will hate him for no apparent reason too. I will NOT however listen to your depressing ass music - sorry, but I have to draw the line somewhere. Also, unless you find a way to give them prejudice, they will love "Cream O Soup" casseroles. They're good and you know it. 

If I have any regrets about this, it's that I never made you those damn chocolate cherry cupcakes I found on Pinterest about a million years ago. Let's face it, bud - ain't nobody else eating them, and now I'll never get the chance to test my baking skills out on it. Also, perhaps only my mom truly appreciates my pie crusts the way you and grandpa did. I wish I had hopped on the baking train earlier, but it was such a pleasure to try new recipes for you two. 

I want you to know that I love you. I will miss your wisdom and your sarcasm. I'll also miss all the great cooking (except for the jalapeno ham you did that one Easter, what were you even thinking??) and look forward to passing on my one tried and true Uncle Bryan recipe of grilled feta and olive stuffed chicken breast. I also see that you found a way to get out of being the chef for my nuptials, so I'll send the bill to Heaven somehow, if I ever get married that is.

My only hope, is that one day I can run as fast as you did when you tried to chase that motorcycle.

I know I'll see you again some day, and until then when I need to hear your voice I'll just look through the pages of Dr. Seuss. "On and on you will hike. And I know you'll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are. You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.) KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS! So... be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea, you're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So...get on your way!"

my first thanksgiving without grandpa

Yesterday marked the seventh month that my grandpa passed away. It's hard to believe it's already been half of a year. I guess living out of state has a few advantages - at least I'm not surrounded by the places he used to be, looking at the empty space that fills his chair at the dinner table at family dinner Sundays. 

They always say holidays are the worst after a death in the family and I suppose it's true. The Fourth passed with little heartache - maybe it was still too fresh. Maybe it was being surrounded by family that kept it at bay. Whatever the reason, being home for the Fourth of July didn't hurt. Halloween didn't hurt. 

But Thanksgiving - this hurts. It occurred to me a few weeks ago that I didn't really have a reason to try out a new baking recipe this year. It's always filled me with a giddy excitement to try out a new recipe to surprise him with. Mini pies in mason jars, pie tart bites, homemade cakes with homemade caramel frosting, old fashioned candy, you name it, I tried it in hopes of getting one of his rare smiles and a "that's pretty good," seal of approval. Usually I got the smile and the seal of approval because one, I was his favorite, and two, the man loved the dessert table. 

One of my biggest successes in life has to be mastering the art of the homemade pie crust. I can do it. It's buttery and flaky, doesn't burn and isn't gooey. It's perfect. Don't get me wrong, my mom and grandma will still eat up an entire pecan pie if I make it for them, but it's not the same as making something "for grandpa." 

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on your life, your year, and give thanks to God for all that you've gone through and come out the other side of. This year, I'll thank Him for getting me this far in my life, for a job that I still have, the friends that support me in whatever I do, the family that loves me no matter how much I complain, and for giving me the dreams and ambitions to continue to strive for more for my life. And then I'll thank Him for my time that I had with my grandfather. While nearly 27 years isn't nearly enough time to know someone, I'm so incredibly thankful that I had all those years. That I could sit in his chair with him and take all those Sunday afternoon naps, venture out to the barn, littered with wood shavings on the floor to watch him make most of the furniture that's in my house, and see the sun rise in the quiet stillness of perfect summer Saturday mornings. 

And when it's time for Christmas, and we decorate the tree - I'll make sure to put enough tinsel on the tree, because that's his favorite part about it. 

Photo courtesy of Table Party of Two

life and times on the lake

When I became a nanny, I thought I would be traveling the world with the family I worked for. Color me disappointed when I found out last year that our big summer vacation would be spent at a lake in Georgia. Then I got there and immediately pinched myself to see if I was dreaming it, or if I was actually at one of the most beautiful places in America. Ever since we left last year, I've looked forward to our return this year. Does that photo just put you at ease? Welcome to a sunrise over Lake Burton.

It's even gorgeous when it's raining! 

Now that I've refreshed your memory with how breathtaking it is there, let's get into the other fun stuff. Like paddle boarding --

We couldn't pass up the great moment to rep our Bryce Harper love in the depths of Braves territory.

Megan's strength at the lake was definitely not paddle boarding, as she flipped us...more than once haha. Still rocked the post capsize photo though. 

I actually didn't get to paddle board every day like I did last year. I know, it's sad - but honestly, I just couldn't. On day three, I was part of an intense hour and a half knock-off tubing session, and my whole body was just shot for the next three days. 

Don't believe how intense it was? It knocked a braid out of my hair! I don't even know how my arms held up enough to take this photo. I was literally dragged out of the water and crawled in the boat, my body was just mush. 

Because I couldn't physically hold onto anything or stand up straight for a few days after that jaunt in the water, it was only right that I took a break and propped my feet up on the boat, soaking up the sun. I get the best tan on this lake. No joke. If I lived here in the summer, I would have a tan for the whole year! 

The work crew that reps Trump hats together, stays together. The work trio one last time before everyone abandons me. Of course our one photo doesn't even show our faces. But, the best memories don't need photographs, do they? 

Snapbacks and mean mugging for life over here. 

In conclusion: peace, love, lake life

*all photos taken by me with my trusty iPhone in the even trustier Lifeproof case

doing DC: diner en blanc

Has there ever been an event that you've seen growing up through the years and always wanted to go to, but never thought it was a possibility? Well that was me with Diner En Blanc - only the hottest little pop-up, super exclusive, picnic that sweeps cities around the world every summer. 

Thanks to Monsieur François Pasquier who decided to have a picnic with friends 27 years ago, people worldwide sign up for the crazy ride to wear all white, bring all white everything (minus the food), and be kept totally in the dark until you're metroing to your final location. Does that sound crazy? Probably. But is it worth every minute and penny spent? Oui, oui, oui! 

I don't even want to bore you with words because I think the pictures speak for themselves. But if I must, let me give you a few pro tips in case you're reading this and new to the game! 

• Table - Coleman outdoor camping table is perfect. It's super lightweight, rolls up and comes with a carrying case. Don't hesitate. Buy it! For $29, it's a total steal. 
• Chairs - IKEA is a Godsend for this picnic! Like the table, these chairs are a steal for $7.99. Lightweight, compact - buy them! 
• Luggage Cart - YOU NEED ONE! This is what I got last minute, and it was perfect because it folded up and we could sit it under the table while we ate. It's sturdy and holds a lot! You may want extra bungee cords though. 
• Picnic Basket - Okay, so I kind of cheated on this one, because my boss let me use her picnic basket - which just happens to be this one. I took everything out of it and bought white plates and clear glasses from IKEA, so the price tag is a bit much - but it held all of our food and fit on the cart perfectly. Let's face it, I'm probably going to buy it for myself here soon just so I have it. 

As for the rest - it's up to you! For a short while, I thought I had overbought - but it was just the perfect amount of table decorations for the night. I got it all in one 12x12 tote you pick up at a craft store to decorate which made it easier! Like I said, all my dishes, cutlery and glasses, and battery operated candles came from IKEA. I got the napkins from Target, napkin ring holders from Bed, Bath and Beyond, and the flowers with little bud vases at Michaels. I then filled the jars with fairy lights to add extra light. 

Now, enough about the table. Let's get to the real fun! 

Looks like I found my people! 250 people casually congregating waiting for our final meeting place. 

Wave the napkins - it's dinner time! 

Speaking of dinner - Meg and I (mostly Meg) made a three course Italian meal. We started off with an assortment of olives, pasta salad and stuffed breads of breaded chicken and sausage. It was all equally amazing and mostly mess proof.

These mini cheesecakes were the perfect way to end the dinner before all the dancing. 

Sparklers - dinner is over! Time to dance the night away!

We love sparklers! Once we could actually get them lit, that is.

Apothic Wines was the sponsor, so not only did we drink good wine, but we got pretty masks that made us feel like A in PLL. 

My favorite picture of the night, by far. This girl was my very first friend in DC. She's seen cleaned up my puke more than once, picked me up at the airport on a snowy 12:30 flight cancellation with beer, and made me feel more like a sister than some person from work that you hang out with when you're off. To say I'm going to miss her when she moves back to Connecticut next week is an understatement! 
As far as our outfits are concerned, by some odd coincidence, we both ended up in white seersucker dresses from the Gap (feel free, Gap to use us in your next ad at any time!). I bought this dress at the beginning of summer on a lark sale - $19.99 instead of $69.99! My amazing flower crown is courtesy of MahaMahaCreations at Etsy. She's amazing and very reasonable. Our jewelry was a very nice loan from our boss - but I must say the necklace worked so well with the dress. I feel like I looked like Betty Rubble, and I absolutely loved it! 

Okay, last picture. But when the Snapchat photo turns out really good - you use it. Everywhere. 
So, did this convince you to try and be part of it next year? It should! If you have any questions about going, or want in on DC next year, let me know! I'm looking at going to Cincinnati next year, so if you know someone, let me know! 

*all photos taken by me, or Megan by our trusty iPhones

doing DC: going to the farmer's market

One thing that I love in DC is the abundance of farmer's markets. Growing up next to farms, I appreciate the fresh produce and independent shops that provide all natural products. The one downside to farmer's markets here is that they all typically fall on different days at different hours and not always open on weekends. 

As much as I'd love to stroll down the aisles on a Wednesday afternoon next to the White House, that isn't always an option for me! So, when I do happen to find myself in the middle of one, I typically buy a lot, and don't have any cash. Thank God, being DC, almost all of them take debit cards! 

Because I'm a sucker for small boutiques, I've compiled quiet the list of places I know I'll be to when it comes to buying birthday and Christmas presents, and presents for "just because!" 

Here's a small list of the new shops I've found through the markets - I hope you find some goodies for you and others!

Old Town Suds - I definitely have an addiction to all natural soaps. But, when you think about it, wouldn't you rather be putting good stuff on your skin and not tons of harsh chemicals? I just bought their laundry soap, two bars (Bellini and Lilac - both of which smell SO GOOD) and the Best Face Wash Ever to try for my sometimes acne-prone skin. 

Ladyburg - Speaking of all natural soaps, I also have some goodies from Ladyburg in my bathroom. Let's talk about their bath bombs; amazing. They all smell amazing. Even better, they don't stain your bathtub, unlike some other companies do! I also highly recommend the whipped sugar scrub. I use it once a week to exfoliate before I shave. I need more superlatives to use, but again, amazing. 

Curated - Curated is a cute little boutique in Old Town Alexandria that I came across during the Sidewalk Sale day in Old Town a few weeks ago. It's great to find unique gifts for any occasion at great prices. My favorite though is the etched map mason jar that I picked up for $10 that showcases downtown DC. 

Analog - I could do a whole post in and of itself on Brookland. One, it's set right next to the beautiful Catholic University of America campus, and two, it has the cutest market space on Monroe Street aptly named Monroe Street Market. You'll find some great independently owned studio spaces ranging from artwork to leather goods, to paper goods like Analog. Not only does Analog have cute cards, like my favorite Leslie Knope quote about this hellacious swamp land we live on; "It's a hundred and twenty degrees out with two hundred percent humidity because this is a stupid swamp town." You can say that again, Leslie, but it also has cute curated vintage threads. Shop the cards at the Etsy shop and stop in to find items your grandma probably wore - and I mean that in the best possible sense of the word! If you don't believe me, you can see me wearing a shirt I most definitely believe my grandma used to wear when we went to the River every summer here.

What are your favorite little shops around the city that I don't know about yet?? I can't wait for fall to take full effect and jump into every hay patch at farms I can find!

*all photos taken by me with my trusty iPhone and no shops endorsed me in any way to say how much I love them. 

workcation files: lake life

I coined the phrase, "workcation" to accurately depict what it's like going on vacation with my nanny family. They're on vacation, and I'm there to work, thus - workcation. This time we're headed back to the lake for two weeks and I actually can't wait. 

Here's what I hope happens over the next two weeks - 

1. We run into Nick Saban while I happen to be wearing my Ohio State "Won it first" hat. 

2. I do stand up paddle boarding every day.

3. I win the tank top competition (more on that later).

4. I learn how to water ski - but to be honest, I may give that a total go this year. Just not my thing. 

It'll be silent here for the next two weeks as we seclude ourselves into the wild wilderness of Georgia. And I have to admit, I'm pretty excited about it! 

doing DC: cheering on the nationals

Coming from Ohio, I sort of know a thing or two about baseball. I mean, it is only where it all started...under technicalities, but who's going there? 

Anyway, thanks to those ten salaried players of the Cincinnati Red Stockings back in 1869, this girl grew up in a baseball loving family, in a state of baseball loving fans. Sure, we don't get along with the Indians fans up North in Cleveland, but that's a different story.

As a child I vividly remember attending games on the River - I was usually freezing, it always rained, and the Reds always lost. I even missed the big hitter of the time, Ken Griffey Jr.actually hit a ball for once, while getting Dippin' Dots. Let's just say I didn't have great luck at ball fields in Ohio. Even when we would go to the local minor league team, the Dayton Dragons it would literally POUR down rain. Pour. Every single time without fail.

You can see why I would be excited to go to a Nationals game here, but hesitant at the same time. However, my hesitation hasn't kept me from trying to earn redemption on the diamond. Maybe it's the team, maybe it's the players, or maybe my luck has turned around; I don't know what's changed, but going to a Nats game has become a top priority on fun things to do. I mean, just look at those cute presidents doing their run!

Last week I randomly had Wednesday off and decided to head into the city. The humidity had finally abated so the 90 degree weather didn't feel like 105 degrees so it was a perfect day to walk around. Hopping on the Metro, I was met with several people in the full Nats regalia and one Mets fan (loser). Fully expecting a night game, I was surprised to find out that it was starting in 20 minutes. With nothing better to do, I bought a ticket seven rows back from 3rd base and went to the game.

It took us nearly the whole game to get into it, but at the bottom of the 8th, down 3-1, we tied it up and then got the go-ahead score 4-3. It was exciting to say the least!

Getting to the ball park is seriously easy and pretty much hassle free if you're near a metro. Just take the Green line to Navy Yard-Ballpark. It cost me $3.60 to get to the ballpark from my stop all the way on the Silver Line - way less than any parking garage anywhere in the area. It definitely takes the sting off the cost of everything else INSIDE the stadium!



*All photos taken by me with my trusty iPhone